Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
