the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
