He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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