I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
