True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
