I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
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I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
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I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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