She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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