Everything about him screamed your future.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
