3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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