You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
