just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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