she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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