I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
