See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
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I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
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Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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