Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
