just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I can't turn off my feet"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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