Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
