So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
