my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
