So drunk its hurt
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
