look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
