This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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