Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
