from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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