He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
