sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
