I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
