i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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