Dual....:-)
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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