Writing my paper on freud at bar
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.