you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night