So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
not ubering you a puppy
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.