It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
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I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
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Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".