Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
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I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
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Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.