What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize