I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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