hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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