Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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