theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
