I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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