if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
