just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
