I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize