My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
