He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
