Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
