We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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