I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
