Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
