i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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