I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My pussy is not your playground.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
