arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
