I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize