You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
