I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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