Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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