just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
