Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
