i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
