I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She's the barista slut.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
