Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
