feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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