how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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