At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You may now shotgun with the bride
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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