im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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