So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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