shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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