I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
