$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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